Mami? How dare you!

I was first addressed as mami by an elderly waiter at a restaurant in Mahabalipuram, two days after my marriage. I remember looking behind and around myself then, to find who the addressee was! Until I realised it was I. 🙂 I was tickled pink at my new promotion! It made my day. For those unfamiliar with the term, it is a respectful title traditionally used, in my state of Tamil Nadu, for any married brahmin woman, regardless of age.

I find I have to think very carefully about how to address people these days – having been raised to call anyone I am not very familiar with, or is older than me, by these monikers, I find the present day befuddling. There are many who take strong offence to the Mami and Mama, or Amma suffixes. But I am acutely bothered by calling older people by name – it seems most disrespectful. Mr or Mrs seems overwhelmingly formal, especially when we never address each other that way in person. Akka, Anna, Mama, Mami and Amma are comfortable for me but are frowned upon. When those old enough to be my grand parents want to be addressed by name you can imagine how those a mere five to fifteen years older react! Recently, a lady, barely five years younger than me, called me Mami five times within five minutes. Yet, when my daughter addressed her as Mami, she said that she was to be called ‘akka’.

On social media, I carefully evaluate how to address people…. Those whom I don’t know well and are around a decade or so around my age group, I tag with full name. Others of this age bracket, classmates, those I am rather comfortable with and those definitely younger individuals, I address by just first name. There are some much older whom I know insist on being addressed by first name – I do so with them, albeit feeling inwardly awkward every time. Those significantly older but whose reaction I know (or am not sure), I address as Sir or Ma’am. I also know those who are perfectly fine and, in fact, appreciate the titles. For those individuals, I use those titles. I have told myself that I should employ whatever each person is comfortable with….

A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet – Shakespeare, paraphrased. But it appears that individuals allow their titles themselves to define them. Any title is seen as a public announcement / acknowledgment of relative age, rather than the respect it is meant to convey. Age should not be acknowledged, embraced or even plain accepted, apparently. It has to be thwarted by any means possible – be it by form of address, hair dye, plastic surgery, any means at all. When I see untouched elders or younger people with their natural grey, I feel good. I recall appreciating Ustad Amjad Ali Khan, years ago, for appearing with a full head of then very prematurely white hair. He appeared more dignified and dapper, au naturel.

Even Rajnikanth, with the best make up artists at his beck and call, looks odd in movies these days (apologies, in advance, to all thalaivar fans), pretending to be four decades his junior. If we look at ourselves with complete honesty, it becomes painfully obvious that even if we fix one aspect, the rest of it will give it away. Jet black hair with a hopelessly sagging neck really does not work. It appears comical. Ludicrous, even. Women seem far more susceptible to these pretences, I find.

Would it not be more productive and better to focus on health than on semantics and appearance? Weight control, diet, water consumption, exercise, meditation etc. enhance health (and, automatically, youthfulness) better than any artificial aids. What’s more, these steps improve internal health and vitality that, in turn, radiate outward.

On my part, I accept all ‘mami’ monikers indulgently. Waiting for the day it becomes ‘paatti’ (grandmother)….

Ready for a bouquet of brickbats…. Bring it on. 🙂