Procrastination. And how to talk.
Procrastination is so much easier now. For time has lost all sense of identity. Every day is like the other – a state of suspended fluidity. To postpone is a very common tendency for one born human, but some do so more than others. My husband is one who NEVER misses deadlines and, as per my in-laws, has been that way since birth. He lives his life in a highly disciplined manner – whether or not anyone else is involved. I am not nearly as systematic but the moment it involves anyone else, the deadline is sacrosanct. Short of my getting badly sick or a death in the family, a deadline is a deadline is a deadline. I have suffered for this insistence, inculcated and practiced firmly by my father, but I believe in why he said it was important – others’ time is sacred and we should not be the cause of any delay or aggravation for others – therefore it is one of those things that just has to be done, however dated the idea seems these days. I am now working on not expecting this from others – that is much easier said than done! Sigh.
My son sent me this short TED Talk with the note that it is exactly how his own mind works 😊. Tim Urban explains, most lucidly, what goes on with the chronic procrastinator in a hilarious but realistic and highly relatable manner.
When I saw it, it reminded me of how age makes such a difference. Right now, after experiencing the loss of a parent, many inopportune deaths well before their time and other drastic unexpected occurrences, I have a constant fear that if I do not do what I have to NOW, I might not ever be able to – after all who knows if we, or our counterparts, will be around tomorrow? These make me further desist procrastination. We all make mistakes, some that are irrevocable, but regret is even worse – one wants to make sure one has communicated everything one wants to, that one has done what one owes the other etc. Therefore, I am known to send voluminous messages, albeit through modern channels of emails and instant messaging, sometimes multiple times a day, as and when thoughts hit me.
After I watched this video, I looked back to the time when I was my son’s age; when I did not have a care in the world – yes, I still wrote – long snail mail letters – to friends and family (which some have kept safely too, much to my surprise!) but it was all within the belief that tomorrow would be a replica of today. Or better. Such was the naïveté. Absolutely zero awareness of a doomsday potentially round the corner, allowing for a relaxed mindset and the ability postpone anything without a hard deadline.
I reflected on the importance of staying constantly cognisant of the various stages of life we ourselves are in, whilst speaking to others. We HAVE to always keep in mind the differences between ours and the other person’s stage, circumstances and situation. The young SHOULD be unalloyedly optimistic – we do NOT have to prick their balloon of hope and positivity with our anxiety and mistrust. It is natural and correct to be happy, hopeful and trusting when young. Life’s natural turbulence has a way of knocking the wind off the sails – let each one’s life take its own course – we can offer gentle tempering suggestions, ideally anecdotally, to stay in the back of their minds – after all, one cannot be completely trusting either. Similarly, we should also not think that our elders always have a negative view. They have faced a lot (much of which they keep to themselves) and every incident has coloured their life in particular ways. Knowledge once acquired cannot be unlearned. We could never actually know what it was like from their perspective since we can never recreate the times they lived in or the social mores of then. They speak from many more years of living.
By writing this out, I hope I will get better at following these ideas myself. It is not at all easy. There have been so many times I have chided my children for postponing things – admittedly it is underscored by concern for the consequences, but that can come out as finding fault and/or preaching – usually a direct result of our not reminding ourselves of where the other is at such moments. The process of learning how, how much, when to say what, and when not to say anything at all, is the hardest skill to learn – at least for me. Fortunately, though, I have a mother, and friends, who exemplify astuteness in this remarkable ability, and I try to derive inspiration from these individuals. They are also kind enough to say that they too have evolved over time. It is a constant learning process – one that will never stop.
At the outset, like every article published, this too is excellent. After reading this wonderful article, I contemplated “Procrastination and Studying for an exam”.
I still remember the college days when a couple of weeks before the exam, an attempt to study will dawn on the horizon. Wearing a hat of a studious student, we suddenly will work out a so-called brilliant strategy to cover the syllabus, by our brilliant time tested methodology passed on to us by our seniors – yes, use choices in questions to our advantage, arrive at pattern over the years on how questions are landing. Then with our confidence in our fail-proof method, with all confidence, we step into the exam hall, and with the mark of an expert, we scan the paper, to see if we have read the examiner’s mind correctly. Two things happen on perusal of the question paper, one, our choice is perfect, and we come out as high scoring candidate, by effectively deploying the ‘choice strategy’, or ending up in utter failure when the examiner gave a totally new, C & D choice. Procrastination is similar to this. Sometimes, for the lazy, Procrastination, can come out to be lucky decision, and sometimes turn to repentance. Having said all this, honestly, doing what needs to and should be done at the earliest time, is the best and time tested method. For, past is a memory, Future an expectation, and PRESENT is the TRUTH.
Your write-ups are very inspiring and motivational, and the style adopted in writing actually gives a feel that you are directly talking. Thank you very much and looking forward to many such thought-provoking and inspiring writeups.
Dear Vidya, just read your article on Facebook. Superb and thought provoking. I have seen you in your carefree days evolving over the years. Congratulations to you!
My sister, Mala, who is handicapped is an epitome of all you have said – and more. She always maintained that since it took longer for her to do things she will make sure she is ahead of others. She felt that keeping time was essential, and this requires a lot of self-discipline. Mala, a Chartered Accountant rose to become a partner of Deloitte’s. Such is her grit that the day before her final CA exam she fractured her leg. After the surgery she went straight to the examination hall in a stretcher and with her indomitable spirit cracked it! The Orthopaedic surgeon was zapped! Even today everything is clock worked. By those standards I guess I tend to procrastinate.
My mother a wise person also often used to say that silence brings peace even if temporary. We have never heard her say ‘ I told you so’.
Best Wishes